it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
