my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
