Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
