Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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