allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
