He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize