Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
