Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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