I just cut my nipple shaving
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
