for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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