im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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