Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
