i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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