Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
