just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
