her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
