Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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