Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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