I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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