Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
