about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
