38 yer olds are good kisserssss
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ladies don't puke and tell
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
