I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
