i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
