I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Non-Jews are for practice
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
