Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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