Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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