Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
