I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize