ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
do nipples grow back?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
