Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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