dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
