Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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