i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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