I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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