i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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