I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
