I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
