Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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