My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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