The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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