We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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