Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
