yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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