Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
