i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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