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I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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