we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
