Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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