hotel room ftw
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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