So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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