There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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