Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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