She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
