erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
