My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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