i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
