girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
