that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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