Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
