Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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