i think i have herpe
just one?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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